I crave attention but yet I am repulsed by it.
There are actually days I wish I still dreamt about you. And only on those days — when the realization of what I really lost hits me, does it feel as if every single cell in my body is getting infinitely smaller, and I might just shrink until I am as invisible to the rest of the world as I am to you.
Getting ready song.
After all the words we’ve spoken - if you were here, I would be happy even in silence.
I never question your sincerity.
I know how wrong I am
I was reading and attempting to take notes on psychology but I was reading about repression and everything that I learned in high school while you were twirling my then-heart-strings around your fingers and toying with them. I still wish I could speak poorly of you. I am still the only one pointing fingers, and they’re all directed at me.
Whenever my thoughts turn to you, I lose myself. Hands, feet, lips work the same. Within my walls, the cancer sweeps again. The feeling is so familiar now that the pain escapes me, but there is always that diminutive pressure located unswervingly beneath my ribs. I cannot seem to get the repulsive taste of hope out of my mouth.
Je n’ai jamais vraiment donné de mon mieux.
I threw a daytime party that would shame the even the maddest hare and poisoned my guests with a mix of cyanide and their own twisted dreams. While I was an icon of permanence, they were drifters to me. When the embers of my own fire stopped emitting black towers of smoke and debris, I passed a mirror. The monster inside us have perfected the art of disguising themselves. The distorted, loathsome, grisly mass simply appears as an inquisitive girl, looking for inspiration in a psychotic rabbit hole that just so happens to be her brain and the wrecked up hearts of all that love her.
PEEK-A-BOO! @mermaidlAuren (Taken with instagram)
Goodbye Australia, hello sydney!
Goodbye China, Hello Beijing!
Goodbye England, Hello London!
Goodbye Canada, Hello Vancouver!
Goodbye Indonesia, Hello Jakarta!
Goodbye Japan, Hello Tokyo!
Goodbye Germany, Hello Berlin!
Goodbye Cambodia, Hello Phnom Penh!
(Source: pos1tive, via fredfoxfredkat)
Knots. (Taken with instagram)
In the midst of open windows and slippery bleachers, I tied my hair in a long braid between my shoulder blades and answered your calls. From somewhere in the center of the madness I could feel your lips pressed up against the telephone, sharing your concern for the girl at the center of our worlds. At the time, all I could smell was the chilled air as I stood on the edge of the trees and tried to calm your beating heart. Now all I have to my name are deepening worry lines.
Okay I don’t want to embarrass anyone but I have to share this. A boy who liked me over winter break sent this to me, and since then I haven’t really been the kindest to him. After coming to my senses, I tried making up with him. I’ve apologized a million times, and even talked to his friends, but he won’t speak to me, and I guess I kind of deserve the treatment after all that happened between us. I just wanted to let all girls out there know, if you find a genuine boy who appreciates you, hold on to him. Respect him and don’t ignore him or disregard him because he’s too nice, and you want a challenge, because you will wish for someone who actually cares for you later in life/when you realize you lost someone really wonderful. Anyway, this is it:
“i like your eyes, i like your smile, i like the fact that you’re interested in GEMS and INDIAN TRIBES and TRIANGLES, i like how you’re on twitter and facebook and tumblr, i like that you’re always fun when we hang out, i like that you drive a kia soul, i like that you always forgive me when i’m an ass, i like how you like to watch bad movies with me, i like when you use abbreviations, i like how you text me first, and i liked how we had this talk right now, even though i avoided your question for so long..”
I guess the moral of the story is: if someone actually cares for you, give them a chance.
